dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
