don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
