We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize