was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
vagina is talking i cant
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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