My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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