He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
