so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
