I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
