Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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