He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize