clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
