The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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