I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Randomize
