but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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