I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
