I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
