i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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