you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
