Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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