i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
