Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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