He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
