i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
