its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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