When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She bit a glass in half.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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