is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
