So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
