I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't deserve a penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
