just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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