It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
