I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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