He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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