High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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