we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
