Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
