He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
