i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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