Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
