Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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