jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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