I just saw a hot homeless man
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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