he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
