I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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