when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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