I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
