New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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