just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
