She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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