if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
