some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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