I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
