dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
