My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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