She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
