I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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