she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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