whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
