Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
