He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
