When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
