last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could fuck to npr.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
