No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
