The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
