in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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