Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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