R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
