id be glad to
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize