Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
