all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize